CRITICAL THINKING IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

CRITICAL THINKING IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

According to George Eliot, our survival as social beings depends in large part on our interpersonal relationships as well as interpersonal communication. “How perfect and unique a relationship would be and become commence from the initiator” (Karl Marx). 

Critical thinking as defined as simply as the ability to engage in reasoning discourse with intellectual standards such as clarity, accuracy, precision and logic, and to use analytic skills with fundamental value orientation that emphasises intellectual humility, integrity and fair mindedness, is very crucial and  a vital spice in our relationships. 

Without critical and creative thinking, our relationships become stunted and easily fragmented by the little bullets of crises 

There are many types of relationships. Amongst them is dyadic relationship which is described as the ancestor of every relationship. It is the rose flower which attracts pests and insects because of its succulent scents and pleasantries. Every relationship begins with the first two people – how effective they manage it; breeds a triadic relationship. 

Triadic relationships emerge from dyadic partners. This type of relationship demands a critical thinking and thinker as well to maintain and balance it – if not, it is easily sent to its grave. The rationale being that: if care is not taken, two counterparts may turn to love each other than the remaining partner. 

When communication is also not managed well, it is easy to trigger hatred, dishonesty as well as conflict among the partners. Therefore, it requires a perfect planning of task by the holders to make it a very unique one.

The cogent type of relationship which requires a proper thinking and displaying of all the basic pivotal figures of critical thinking is the casual and intimate relationship. 

It could be between mother and child, husband and wife, father and children, and a family as a whole. This relationship needs a special attention and attendance. 

It can make and unmake life. This type of relationship could be so devastating if not controlled with critical thinking. 

Another unique and an extra-ordinary type of relationship which critical thinking needs to  be operated with – like electricity and water  is, dating, love and marital relationship. It is an ordained and a predestined type of relationship which cannot be eradicated from life’s endeavour. 

This relationship is so sacrosanct and requires to be held with critical thinking and care. As the popular saying goes “behind any successful man is a woman”, so as “behind any unsuccessful man is a catastrophic and a disastrous woman”. 

Each partner could contract heart attack, go in sane, and even loose their lives if it is not approached with care. It requires a careful planning, studying as well as the willingness of each partner to forgo life’s comfort at the expense of the other. 

They must also forgo their whims and caprices as well as their parochial interest to make the relationship the healthy one. Its’ mishandling could affect the innocent children who emerge out of it.

How ever, critical thinkers are able to note and apply the following in any of their relationships.

Supportive and defensive climates: These are dominant periods in any given relationship – It could be sweet honey or bitter bile. The supportive climates are the pleasant aspects or times you enjoy in the relationship. 

When you find yourself in luxuries, wealth and good times, you should bare in mind that no condition is permanent – things could easily change from best to worse. 

On the other hand, the defensive climates are the conditions in the relationship that make us unsure or threatened. When such storms hit the relationship, they must think critically to restore things as quick as possible. They must prevent counter-blast but ensure terms of endearments to quench the blazing flame in the relationship.

Dependencies and counter dependencies. Aristotle said “no one is an island of his own”. He also said “it is evident that the state is creature of nature, and that man is by nature a social animal – therefore, he who has no need because he is self sufficient, must be either a beast or a god”. 

 Our indigenous people say “the left hand washes the right hand and vice versa”. Each partner must be willing to extend a helping arm to the other. They must support each other when things are not going well. 

How ever, this does not mean there should be unnecessary expenditure in the relationship. Partners should minimise cost in the relationship to its minimum level to maintain a smooth platform for the relationship when financial break down happens and also to maintain neutral dependency grounds in the relationship – unnecessary expenditure brings the relationship to a halt when things are not the same as it were from the beginning. 

Progressive and regressive spirals in the relationship are recognized by critical thinkers. These are the continuous harmful increase or decrease in the relationship, that gets its’ faster progress or faster regress. 

Partners must be cautious about their behaviour  conduct as well as their interpersonal communication. These behaviours can either be fertile grounds for the growth of the relationship or the wind spread devastating fire which could decongest the vital aspect of the relationship.

 Respect, obedience and truthfulness should also be held at a high esteem in the relationship. Each member must respect the views of the other. Partners should not think their views are the best and turn to be autocrats or dictators in the relationship because knowledge is not found in one person’s head – two heads are better than one. 

Partners should also think critically to obey and abide by the likes and dislikes of the other. 

Truthfulness is another vital tool in relationship. “It takes thousand years to build trust but it takes a second to break trust” (Aristotle). Little-little lies could generate mistrust in the relationship which allows little rumours to turn off the fire in the relationship.  

  The final straw that breaks the camel’s back is the exchange of gifts and showing of gratitude to each partner. Partners must appreciate what ever the other donates to them. Petty-petty gifts en-kindle the smooth run of the relationship.

WITCHCRAFT  WITHIN.

Okorago is a young noble man with all the stuffs it takes to be recognize in a society. He commenced his primary education at his village –Nsuka. A manner felt on him and he continued his education in the city where he attained a degree, became fabulously rich and built mansions of his own. As a result of peddling rumours of witchcraft in the village, he vowed never to go to his village again. Nothing could trigger his conscience to think of going back to village. All his perception was that, he would be killed by the witches when he gets to the village.

  As the saying goes, a butterfly cannot call itself a bird; so as the bullet cannot remain when the trigger is squeezed. His only backbone, in the person of Nwokocha Agbadi; his Uncle, died a dreadful death which turned the mood of the entire village. The elders said “when run-off water bounces on the snake in a tunnel, it cannot stay any longer but runs out of it”. Okorago has to come and pay homage as well as give the last respect to his uncle.

As rich as Okorago is, he pledged to give the most prestigious burial rite to his uncle in the village. When fear, anxiety and desire mingle, who takes over the mantle? This circumstance seemed voluntary-mandatory to him. He decided not to portray his wealth when he gets to the village.

On the d-day, he borrowed his friend’s Volkswagon (VW) beetle car for his voyage. He did tremendously well to leave no stone unturned as custom demands of him to the funeral and burial rites of his uncle; Agbadi. As the saying goes “when the nestle falls, the weaver bird flees”, everything was settled and Okorago has to return to his root.

On his triumphant journey back, the vehicle generated a mechanical fault and could not move again. (What would OKO think was the cause?).He got down; walked vigorously to the front and opened the bonnet. Interestingly, there was no engine. Forgetting that VW beetles have their engines at the back, he threw his hands on the head, cried out loudly and said, “Oh! These witches of the village have taken the engine away from the car”! 

Coincidentally, an old woman appeared at the scene   and curiously asked Oko of his trauma. Oko profusely pointed an accusing finger on the poor old woman and said “so you’re the one, so…eer it’s you, why can’t you live me alone? I return it to you in Jesus name! You think you can kill me? Na lie”!

The woman patiently asked “my son what have I done? Oko answered with anger “you old wretched witch, can I be your son? You better fix the engine you stole from my car with your witchcraft”!

As a widow to a former government worker, the old woman remembered that when the husband wanted to check the engine oil of the same car in those days, he checked from the back bonnet but not front. She fearfully said to Oko “poor boy, the engine of these cars are usually at the back not where you’ve opened”.

Oko came to his senses, checked from the back and there it was! Without thanking the old woman, he fixed the problem quickly and drove away.

The poor widow said “boys of today, no one bewitches you; but your own conscience”!

My fragile heart; my love

 My fragile heart; love

1.    My heart cries so loud; seeking you;

My mind so uncertain; thinking of you

You availed yourself long ago; but disappeared in an unfold folk,

 Leaving just hopes of appearance in fold

2.    Oh how blind are you; on how nostalgic my soul feels?

Oh how blind are you; on how loneliness frustrates my soul?

Oh how blind are you; on how fear and anxiety torment my soul?

Oh how blind are you; on how devouring the world has been to my soul?

3.    Please return to me; for my heart beats rapidly for your presence

Please return to me; for my soul wails for your cheering shadows

Please return to me; for you took along my inner being

Please return to me; for the world dejects me with no cause

4.    My way; so dark with no shine to lead me home

My path; so narrowed with potholes to retire me home

My soul; so engulfed with bitterness in refraining me home

My eyes; so deem with hot tears to see me home

5.    Though bitterness and injustice dwindles my joy, I shall seek thy return alone to be restored

Though hot winds and tenuous storms sway my knees, I shall seek thy promises of eternity

Though my eyes melt with hot tears, I shall seek thy cheer of comfort and love;

Yes! My soul waits vigorously for your return

6.    Let me not loose the battle to tribulations

Let me not loose the race to temptations

Let me not loose the fight to tormentations

Let me not choose the bogus trophy

7.    Behold I hear the trumpets so loud;

So loud in the clouds with shouts of applauds

Behold I hear the sound so loud and chiming;

Chiming in the ears of the transgressor

Behold I see the light so bright and white; as white as the snow of an Eskimo in a limo

Behold glory descends like a fountain of falls;

 Pouring as the untamed rain

Behold all tears are gone with no sorrow and grief;

 Gone as the restless pilgrims

Behold all garments of tribulations are substituted;

And all broken arms fixed with eagle's wings

8.    Thy eyes see the throne of promise and glory

Thy heart feels the perfect peace of eternity

Thy wounds; healed in four folds

Thy fragile heart; my love – now healed as I sit on the everlasting throne of glory;

Thy mortal body now attired in a splendouring bridal garments and

Thy head coronated with a finest golden crown